|by the sea||
Date: 23/04/01 11:26pm
Why is it that at the important moments we manage to fuck things up? I know that I do it each and every time. Itís called chronic foot in mouth disease. I hate it, and I have a major case of it. I speak without thinking I donít consider all possibilities and I manage to fuck it up every time.
It really makes you wonder what the point of it all is and why we even bother talking or speaking to people. I mean you say something stupid, make an absolute fool of yourself and then are embarrassed until people forget about it, which in some cases is a long time. All you want to do is hide from everyone and run away from the problem but you never manage to succeed in doing so. There is always someone that will bring it up, or perhaps youíre "blessed" with a memory that only recalls the most embarrassing moments of your life and you end up wondering, "why me?" And you know itís just not fair, no itís not! Really why is it that some people have all the luck and others are just left to site around looking stupid and you want to be one of the cool ones, someone who "has it all." Someone who manages to hold their head high and never make that stupid mistake of opening their mouth at the wrong moment and something stupid coming out. Iím not one of those people I never will be, Iím destined to eternally fuck it all up each and every time.
That, ladies and gentlemen is what you get to call your life.
Itís what you hate 90% of the time and love 1% of the time the rest is just mediocre and all you really remember is the crap, the boring shit that no one cares about. The times that you made those stupid mistakes and the times that your face was the colour of the tomatoe. But you know what you never really remember perfectly? The good times, the absolutely fabulous times. Sure youíll remember every milli-second of the stupid stuff, but that time that you felt like nothing else in the world matters you wonít remember for quidís.
And again this is our life. The pointless stuff, the useless information that our Grade 5 teacher Mrs. Jones told us pounding into our brains that we will need again one day, that is what we remember. We donít remember hanging upside-down on the monkey bars, or playing kiss chasy, or even the anticipation moments before our first kiss. We donít remember the time that you had 5 best-friends all of whom you regarded of the highest accord and that we loved each one of them as much as the other. We remember our first day of high school when we tripped up the stairs in front of those really cute boys and that they all remember you until this day. We remember that when we joined the sports team to impress someone that it was the wrong move because they only joined it to get out of class.
Itís all that stuff thatís not fair, but as the cliché goes "Lifeís not fair" so we all just have to deal with it and get to wonder when it will end. And will we ever remember the good stuff. Will we be able to just grasp a moment of what it was like to be six? And the only thing you had to care about were the colours of the rainbow, the addition tables and simple nursery rhymes and that it didnít bother you that this was all you knew and what you didnít know you didnít know and didnít care.
I want my life to be like this all the time because thatís what life should be like and itís not fair that itís not. I want to be happy because I don't know what should make me upset. I want to think the world is fair, and everyone in it is honest and good.
I want my life to be like a simple cliché and to have everything I need and what I donít need doesnít matter because I donít know about it. I want my life to be like this and I think that it sucks because it canít be. I think it sucks that I canít turn back time and make those stupid mistakes disappear and to fade into the background when it matters because this is what we all should be able to do and itís not fair that we canít.
But itís always gonna be like that so we all need to make the most of it and instead of saying "thatís life" with the negative tone we need to say it and remember the good things.
Because, folks, Thatís Life!